Apparently you make a good broom.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
