see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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