My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
