How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
