So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
