Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
