There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I need a beard to bite.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
