i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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