just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?