God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
