It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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