guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize