I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
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She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
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A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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