question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
