he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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