im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
