there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
