I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
