dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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