I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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