U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
