Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
