I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
