we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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