Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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