forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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