my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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