Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
