Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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