Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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