I think I am morally bankrupt
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
