I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
