she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
