Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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