do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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