My boss' voice literally gives me gas
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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