on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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