chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
