Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
