you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
