I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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