Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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