Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
