last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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