Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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