well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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