Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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