so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sorry about my life...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
