there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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