due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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