That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
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Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
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His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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