Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
