Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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