i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
