Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
